20210409 The Journey of Doubt¶
1. Introduction - exegesis, short retelling of the story¶
Last week context - journey of coming to faith¶
As I mentioned earlier, we are now in the midst of a seven week journey towards Jesus’ ascension and the coming of the spirit at Pentecost. Where are we in the story? Last week, we were at the early hours of the morning of Easter. Before sunrise. We saw Mary approach the tomb and on seeing it empty running back to fetch Peter and John to come and see and we noticed two things here from last week, we noticed these themes of seeing and believing and of hearing and believing. Mike mentioned this beautiful line: right from the rolling away from the stone up to the ascension of Christ, different disciples move from doubt to faith and belief in unique ways based on their experience of the risen Christ. This is such a strong thought. We are talking about the disciples, whom we often think of as spiritual giants, yet the easter story deeply reveals their humanity. I want us to keep this in mind as we explore today's text.
This week summary context¶
This week we enter into the story on Easter evening. “On the evening of the first day of the week”. We see the disciples scared, locked away. Hiding. A movement that they had given their lives to and all reasonable hope had seemingly come to a halt. What next? Well, we read that in the story Christ comes to his disciples and shows them what they need to see in order to have faith and trust in God's movement. We also read a well known and well worn story of Thomas, who wasn't there at first and doesn't believe the others. Thomas has been famously or infamously been named “doubting Thomas” throughout history.
The importance of this story¶
And out of many stories that John has collected, enough that “even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written”, John chooses this one to include in his gospel. 30 Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. 31 But these are written that you may believe[b] that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. So we know this is an important story, designed to inspire people to come to have life in Christ.
Doubt is important¶
I wonder if John knew what it felt like for Thomas to be living amongst people who are sure about their faith where he is not? I wonder if he thought this was an important thought? I wonder what he thought of being dissatisfied with how things are? I wonder if you know a friend or perhaps yourself who struggles living amongst people who are seemingly sure of their faith when you or they are not? How have you responded this year to the hopeful Easter story of triumph over death and ultimate love?
Here are a few things that stick out for me that I would like to focus on: 1. Thomas is not satisfied with hearing that other people saw the risen Christ. He experienced doubt. 2. He was willing to voice this in front of his community and they let him. His doubts were okay. 3. The way Jesus interacts with the disciples.
2. We are built to be dissatisfied¶
Youngsters aren't scared to be dissatisfied out loud¶
One thing that I love about teaching is through being around people so much, I learn a lot about myself and people in general. This year I have had the privilege of teaching students from 9 years old to 17 years old. I love to see how different and unique each age group is. One stark difference between the youngest and the oldest is that the youngsters possess a brutal honesty. They are not AT ALL ashamed to let you know how boring your lesson is, if they do not say it verbally, they DEFINITELY show it visually. Show video I asked Mike to share a video with us on the group this morning. If you didn't get a chance to watch it, it is a short video about children receiving gifts that they do not want on Christmas. Man are they honest about it. Unashamedly outwardly disappointed.
Yet we are¶
Though as we grow up, we learn to hide our true feelings don't we? Even by 17 the older learners will graciously sit through a poorly planned lesson that is struggling to land. I have been to countless breakfasts where the meal was absolutely terrible, but when asked one of us would smile and say it was great. I think we become afraid to offend? Or we begin to blame ourselves for not feeling a certain way.
Life is disappointing¶
The honest truth is that life is disappointing… OFTEN. When we are younger, we are mostly disappointed with our stuff. But when we get older it becomes more subtle. John Eldridge in his book Desire says “We long for life and we’re not sure where to find it. The longing within us seems incongruent with the life around us.” We see this greatly expressed in Ecclesiastes. Where King Solomon finds that all the projects he has built, all the wisdom he has attained, all the wealth he has accumulated feels like a “chasing after the wind”. I have been particularly bad at this during the last few weeks. I have tried tirelessly to manufacture peace in my life by getting the garden in order, planning my next term, getting the car cleaned. Achieve, achieve, achieve and then it will be okay. But still the dissatisfaction remains.
Dissatisfaction is a natural part of the human experience¶
And this is the first point that I would like to make this morning: I believe that this dissatisfaction/doubt is built into us, it is a natural part of who we are. Point 1. Doubt is a natural part of who we are. It keeps us longing for God. It reminds us that the only real place of lasting solitude is with God. It is what drives us deeper into faith if we let it. It reveals the deep yearning and need for God. Author Debbie Thomas writes in this weeks lectionary reflection: But weakness is not what I see in Thomas. I see a man who desired a holy and beautiful thing — a living encounter with Jesus. A man who wouldn’t settle for someone else’s experience of resurrection, but stuck around in the hope of having his own. A man who dared to confess uncertainty in the midst of those who were certain. A man who recognized his Lord in scars, not wonders.
3. Doubt is the object with which we wrestling¶
My dissatisfaction¶
Thomas was honest with himself. “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” He was not satisfied with a second hand experience. What are some of the deeper frustrations with your faith? I have had many frustrations in my journey that I struggled to get past for years. And I am sure that there will be several more in the years to come. I have been skeptical about the doctrine of original sin. I thought it to be destructive and not helpful. I have deeply struggled with the concept of prayer. I have even struggled with the idea of an invisible God.
Doubt is okay¶
I have now come to see these moments not as failures of my faith but moments of growth. Even though I don’t have all the answers I was looking for, it was in the wrestling that I found God. And I think this is a small part of what John is trying to show us. That doubt is okay. Wanting a deeper experience with Christ is good. Jesus comes to us EVEN in our doubts. And how grateful I am for that. The fact is that doubt gives us an object to wrestle with. It allows us to voice it with others so that we may wrestle together. Thomas shared his doubts. He shared them publicly, without shame or guilt, amongst his faith community.
This journey is complex¶
In her book “The Grammar of God”, Aniya Kushner shares a Jewish perspective on interpreting scripture: “Everything was up for discussion, and from my earliest memory I was taught to demand a second opinion and a third and a fourth. The Hebrew text I grew up with is beautifully unruly, often ambiguous, multiple in meaning, and hard to pin down; many of the English translations are, above all, certain."
I love this about the Jewish tradition, their openness with not knowing all the answers, but still participating anyway, still giving their opinion. This journey is complex. So the first point was that doubt is a natural part of who we are. The second point is that it gives us the object with which we wrestle. Point 2. Doubt allows us to wrestle. Doubt is a part of us and it is an important part of us. It is THROUGH doubt (i.e. addressing it, different from solving it) we experience God first hand. As said on a popular lectionary website Pulpit Fiction the author writes: Doubt is the pathway to faith. When we doubt, we probe, question, and search. Perhaps Thomas started with doubt, but he ended with the greatest testimony of the disciples.
4. Jesus’s Main Message¶
In closing of today's service, I would like to come back to the passage and look at how Jesus interacts with the disciples right after the resurrection. I find it fascinating that Jesus dies on Friday and on Sunday he comes back from the dead and ALL he wants to do is give peace to those who loved him, to reassure them, to be with them. This is the God we love. This is the sacrifice Jesus made. Jesus pursued his disciples and today he pursues you and me. We are part of the great love story of the universe. Why do we forget so often? Why do we continue to fall for the trap of trying to manufacture our own peace?
So I hope that today we can slow down a bit. I hope that we can give ourselves a break. I hope that whatever dissatisfaction or doubt that we are experiencing we can be brave enough to share them with at least one person, whether it is at church, at home or quietly by yourself with God. I hope that we can receive the same peace that Jesus gave 2000 years ago and continues to give today. This is my hope and this is the hope that John had when recording this specific story. To face our doubts, speak our fears, and yearn for more — more intimacy, more encounter, more experience of the living, breathing Christ. In in doing so come to “believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.”
One Liner¶
Doubt is the pathway to faith